When you think you may be on the brink of divorce, you may still have a glimmer of hope that you can save your marriage. You want to stay together. And by putting in the effort, you can do it. Marriage as an institution takes commitment and effort from both partners. Just because you are experiencing a rough patch in your relationship doesn’t mean your marriage isn’t worth trying to save. Below are 08 ways to salvage your messy marriage.
1-Change what needs to be changed
When the word “divorce” enters the picture, it is usually because one or both members of the married couple are unhappy with something. The best remedy is to change something you are doing or aren’t doing. Get up and show your spouse you can do what it takes to make your marriage better. Take your spouse on that trip they have always wanted. Fix that garage door that needs fixing.
2-Focus on the positive in your mate
This is one of the hardest tips to follow. Perhaps your spouse has done something to jeopardize the marriage, or perhaps it’s just a general dissatisfaction that has caused things to become rocky in your relationship. Either way, don’t point fingers. Nothing makes people more defensive than focusing on the negative. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your spouse.
3-Pray that you can forgive and be forgiven
One of the best ways to save your marriage from divorce is to allow forgiveness. It is the ultimate form of love and is a vehicle for change. Forgiveness can be hard, and sometimes it will feel impossible. But just start the process. Pray about it. Ask for help.
God forgives all, so why can’t you? Take that next step. Forgive wholeheartedly, even if your spouse hasn’t changed yet. The weight it will take off of your shoulders will allow you to move forward positively, and it may help your spouse change in ways you never thought possible.
4-Connect in the bedroom
Couples on the brink of divorce typically aren’t spending much time together in the bedroom. When a husband and wife aren’t feeling close, or one has hurt the other, it can be hard to even want to have sex. But sometimes, that physical bond can also realign emotional bonds. Try to look at intimacy in a new way—a way to save your marriage. Take things slow and talk about what you need right now. Try to connect in new ways.
5-Put the relationship ahead of everything, including your children.
It’s unfortunate, but time has a way of eating away at our priorities. “You’re the most important thing in my life” gives way to “My work…the family business…the children…my ageing parents…even shopping, gossiping or drinking…” Marriages don’t work well when our partner plays second fiddle to anything – even the children. It’s a fact; the happiest kids are those with parents who love one another best.
6-. Get counselling.
Do you say you can’t afford it? Believe us, it’s cheaper than divorce! Most counselling simply involves a few sessions to get the communication flowing again. A willingness to talk in that context sends a hugely positive message to your spouse.
7-Choose to love.
Love may have come easy when it was brand new. But love over the long haul is as much a choice as it is an emotion. A choice is an act of maturity, and it has a much better track record than emotion left to make its way on its own.
8-Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships.
Some of those negative patterns involved friends. Hook up with a faith community where marriage is valued and there’s widespread support for making your work.