Donald Trump tries really, really hard to convince the masses that he’s some sort of Greek God (except not actually Greek because heaven forbid he not be a rich, white dude with that artificial, sickly orange hue) whose handsomeness, vitality, youthfulness, and strength simply cannot be matched nor depleted.
Perhaps he’s of the belief that the souls of all those actual brown people he’s torturing are somehow keeping him vigorous. You know, like some fucked up, real-life Ursula, Witch of the Sea bullshit.
But despite Donald’s best efforts to mimic some of the most heinous villains in fairytale history, he is not actually a super mythical being and this ain’t no Disney movie in which he gets to skin all the puppies and steal all the voices he wants for the first three seasons without aging a day.
The fact of the matter is, Trump is old and getting older. He’s overweight, he’s out of shape, and the state of his mental clarity and capacity has left mental health professionals all across the nation issuing collective warnings of his undoubted impending slide the rest of the way into Crazy Town.
No number of White House physicians paid to say nice things about him or cookie-cutter excuses for his random ass trips to Walter Reid disguised as a “random, routine physical” is going to change those facts.
Just a quick look back at Trump over the last three years — a time during which he’s been known to lean on his wife to walk downstairs, trip down steps and almost take out world leaders, nearly drown himself in a puddle of his own sweat when speaking with reporters, and slur his words more times than we have enough collective fingers and toes to count them on — is more than enough proof that Donald J. Trump is certainly not beaming with near the level of vitality he wants us all to believe.
But just in case you’d started to forget — among the onslaught of bullshit we’ve been dealing with lately it’s easy to do to — what a disgusting, unhealthy slob Donald really and truly is, let me take this opportunity to jog your memory right quick with a photograph of our allegedly youthful, robust president during one of his little vacays to his Mar-a-Lago resort earlier this year:
If you’re anything like the rest of Twitter, which I’ve got a feeling you are, you’re just not seeing a strapping young man beaming with youthfulness and vigor. You just see an overweight, over-medicated, over-confident, bloated prick who’s in desperate need of a good round of keto or 30 and a cardiologist on his speed dial. Just like the rest of us.
Captain Coronary
In conclusion, Donald Trump is still the same overweight, disgusting slob of a human being that he’s always been. And he’s showing absolutely no signs of improvement.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.