Womenz Magazine

5 Mistakes Couples Make When “Trying” Polyamory

One-on-one vs. More than two

In case you missed it, non-monogamy seems to be on the rise. Personally, I’m alright with that because I do believe that monogamy isn’t for everybody. Especially the way we tend to do it in the US.

1. Believing that poly can repair their broken relationship.

Have you ever known a couple that added a baby to their already shaky ground? It’s not pretty. Opening up a mono relationship is a lot like adding a baby to the mix. More people means more responsibility, not less. More communication. Less time. Greater self-awareness. Less selfishness.

2. Looking at potential partners as commodities rather than people.

Most single women in the dating pool today have encountered a heterosexual couple looking to add another woman to the mix. This is often called unicorn hunting, and for good reason.

3. Using poly to cover up underlying dysfunctions.

Poly is not an “excuse” to cheat, avoid commitment, or abuse another person’s trust. If somebody has problems with honesty, vulnerability, or communication in mono relationships, they aren’t suddenly going to manage well in polyamory.

4. Ignoring the fact that one partner is simply not into it.

Back when my daughter and I still lived in Minnesota, her dad started bragging to me about his relationship with his then-girlfriend, now-wife.

5. Refusing to do the research or work it takes to successfully do poly.

Honestly, it’s not difficult to open up a relationship. Finding more people is the easy part. The hard thing about all of it is managing emotions, expectations, and schedules.

Guide for Secondary Partners – More Than Two

Polyamory and monogamy are not dramatically different.

We like to think of the two types of relationships as polar opposites, but the reality is that unhealthy attitudes about jealousy, attachment, and codependency will fracture any connection–poly or mono.

Original Article: medium

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